You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
