i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
