Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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