tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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