My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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