You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
