fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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