Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
