Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
