Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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