I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And then my night got REAL pukey
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