i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize