At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
either way he was missing a nipple.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
