I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
