a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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