please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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