btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
