return my video game
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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