mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
