tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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