I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
