My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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