and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
