So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
