If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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