we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
that may or may not have been my penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
