Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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