He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
