Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
