just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
