one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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