put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
