She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
