I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
