when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
