I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
