i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
