Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
