i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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