He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
