The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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