p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
