i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
