I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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