I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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