Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
