Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
