dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
