I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
