i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
