your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize