The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
