I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
