fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
