Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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