Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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