Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
