tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
