Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
