He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
