I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
