He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
