And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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