She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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