I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize