She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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