it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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