The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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