Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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