he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've blown a few things in my day
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
