i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
