They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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