I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
