If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
