I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
