I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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