If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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