So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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