So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
