Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
