it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My ATM looks so different sober.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
