ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
