don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
