I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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