she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize