dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
