Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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