so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
