Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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