my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
this is an emotional support booty call
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
