fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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