Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
