He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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