i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
